'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
