does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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