you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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