I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize