Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
