Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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