The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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