I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He has the fingertips of a God
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