I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
