Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
