one word: firstdatebathroomanal
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
