This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
