My room smells like vodka and shame
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
