Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
