after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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