I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
