I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
