You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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