Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
