he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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