i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
