Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
