so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
