Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
