mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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