Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
