This is not my ceiling
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
