If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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