Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
