I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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