Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So many bounce houses so little time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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