best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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