we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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