i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
