yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
