need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
