Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
