he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
