My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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