she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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