Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize