Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I understand Curling. That high.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
