Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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