Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
