i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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