my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
