Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
