My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
