That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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