I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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