Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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