...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
