Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
