I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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