I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
