I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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