I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
