Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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