HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
