I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
