Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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