Screwed.edu
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
