she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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