I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
