perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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