i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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